New things to do ..

Now , my friends always ask me to read many novels about love .. I always take some books from them because they said the books are some of it about me .. :) Sweetttt ! But the more I red about love stories , the more I think about him .. The more I think about him , the more he's far apart from me .. Why ? You said it , but you don't make it came true .. I'm so tensed right now ! I stayed alone , and no one wants to accompany me .. Usually , he will but now he didn't have much time for me anymore .. So , I made my life a little different .. I called my friends to help me teach me guitar lesson .. It it my interest since I'm little .. If you don't believe me , you can see my singing videos at my Facebook : http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1578343932211 & http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=1571158872589 or at youtube : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dD6FTVXV50 .. I love to make song by myself or make song lyrics for him .. But he doesn't know it ... I wish someday he knows it and know how deep my love towards him more than his love towards me .. :) <3

I'm losing you ..

Baby , the longer the time we're far apart , the more I'm losing your attention .. If you think I'm an annoying person , always want your attention but I'm just a normal GIRL .. A girl who needs love surrounded her , some compliments , full attention for her .. Am I wrong for wanting that from you ? Is it too much ? I only love you , nobody else .. So , can't I ask you all these ? I never left you behind like what you did to me .. I'm so sad what had happened to us .. The day before yesterday , you woke up and gave me a text message ;
Him : 'Honey , I'm on my way to work , take care and love you .
Yesterday , you ONLY missed call me .. And today you didn't left a single message or call .. Am I desperate for you ? I'm only want your love just for me .. But I think I'll lose that ..
Sometimes , I create song for you .. I create some quotes for you .. Because I always remind of you .. But you will never know .. I will never make the song videos that I created by my own just for you .. I'll never let anybody hears it before you .. But unfortunately , you'll never know how deep and how honest my love for you .. You're my first love and for sure , everybody will never forget their first loves .. So am I , NEVER ..
But now , you're not the old Kamal that I knew .. You always left me and forget about me .. While I will never did that to you .. Because you're the only one in me .. : )  <3

DREAMING ... zzzzz ...

Last Wednesday (17th Nov ) , I dreamt about Him again .. At first , in the morning I dreamt he came to me .. He wears a black shirt which makes me felt wanna hug him immediately .. HAHA , I'm naughty .. He looks so matured ! Then , he ding dong my bell house .. I was hiding because I haven't take my bath yet .. So , my friend opened it .. As usual , he will asked ..

Him : Where's Hanim ?
Hurin : Uhhh....
Him : Let me in ..
Suddenly , I was there in front of him (btw it's a dream)..
Him : Hey honey ..
Hanim : Hey sayang ..
When , I tried to hug him , he disappeared ..
But then I woke up , I'm in conscious .. He wasn't there , he's not near me..
After Hari Raya Aidiladha , I took a nap AGAIN at my grandma's house ..
And once again , he came to my dream ..
This time he said ..
Him : I love you dear , only you in my little heart ....
When I tried to hold his hand , he disappeared AGAIN !
I'm so frustrated with these dreams ...
But yesterday , I dreamt I am a witch ! I have special magic power .. At first , I used it to make things didn't exist , but then I used it to make pranks for my buddies .. I make their shirt's colour turned different colour .. Then , I make my way as clear as an empty desert even in front of me , there was a huge wall .. It means I can go through it ...
 p\s : If I have a wish , I wish I have a magic power which can bring my sweet lover near me ALL THE TIME  !

Myself is surrounded by JEALOUSY ..

Well , these lovely birds .. Never had the strength to leave each other .. But me ? I'm in love but there's no one beside me .. Sometimes , when I see this couple , I feel jealous ... WHY ? Because I never have a single chance to see him 24 hours and for a longer time than 4 days .. For those who have their lovers near them , appreciate and start to learn how to make your LOVE stay forever .. I always cried when I miss him .. I never had the strength to forget him even for a single second .. But if our destiny is to be together , I'll wait just for him .. When I see Hurin and Ezzat , when I see Ikhwan and Solehah , when I see Syafiqah and Akram , when I see Aini and Darren , when I see Nashriq and Fatin , when I see Durrani and Syeera , ALL of them make me JEALOUS !! Gosh , I don't know how to hide my feelings of jealousy .. I hope this feeling will never make me lose my loyalty to him and choose someone else who nearer me .. BUT I PROMISE THAT I'LL LOVE YOU TILL MY LAST DYING BREATHE .. <3





I LOVE YOU SAYANG , DEAR , DARLING , HUBBY . YOU'RE              EVERYTHING TO ME ! <3

Goodbye .. :'(

(8th Nov)  Oh dear , this is the worst day of my life because he's gone . He's already at Muar , his hometown . I've already miss you dear . Yesterday , we sat together from 8 am till 12 pm at my house . That's my last day with him . He made me embarrassed because I saw he just looked me and hold my hand . When I asked him ..

Hanim : Why do you looked me like that ?

Him : I know I will miss this cute look when I leave  tomorrow .

Then , I just looked him and wondering how am I going to continue my life without him by my side . Durrani fetched him from my house at 12 pm . He told me that he wanted to stay with me longer but I've no choice . He had to follow Durrani . 

At 4 pm , Durrani sent him to my house again . He asked me to cook spaghetti carbonara for him because he wanted to test my cook , HAHA . How silly ! But then he told me that he can't eat mushrooms because of his allergy . I just said never mind but inside of me , I felt sad because I stay up even I'm so sleepy and tired that day . After that , I brought him to our HOME . He rode a bicycle and so was I . We made it as a race but for sure I'll win because I know he will never let me be sad if I lost . I love you so much sayang . . .

And we made our way to the hill (home) , he scolded me because I didn't bring him there since he's here . I ate some buah 'kedondong' because I felt it has been a quite long time I stopped eating it . Suddenly , some sticky liquid came out from it . He quickly took it from my hand and bit it so that I will never eat it . Then , I realized that day is the last day I'll be with him . Suddenly , I cried because I don't want to be apart from him . He wiped my tears and promised me he will come back this year . 

Hanim : I don't mind if you want to come back , but I don't want you leave . 

Him : Sayang , I'll come back just for you dear .

Hanim : Honey , if I eat kedondong or sit here again , I'll remember you .

Him : You'll promise me you won't find another boy ? You promise me you will never leave me ?? 

I nodded but my heart didn't have the strength to say yes . Then , I said his name .

Hanim : Honey ?

Him : Hmmm ..

Hanim : Why don't you want to see my face ??

Him : I won't have the heart to leave you and this place ..

After then , we say goodbye .. He sent me a text message , 'You took my heart , your friends and this place too . I'll come back .. I promise ..'

And then , I told myself don't cry because I love him so much .. <3

I Love You Sayang .......

Today is 6th November 2010 and it's a date that I will never forget ! I'm having fun with my FIRST love on my FIRST date . I never believe he's right there in front of me . Till now I'm still in SHOCK ! (5th Nov) When my friend who fetched him from Bukit Jalil told me ..

Durrani : Hanim , come to the **** now ! He's with me ...
My leg starts to shake when my destiny is getting near to me . Then I saw Durrani , I suddenly hide myself behind the huge stones near me . Hurin who follows me dragged me to meet him . When Durrani saw me , he asked my love to look behind . He is KINDA CUTE !!! I felt ashamed when I saw he's looking at me . I sat on the other bench because I was too shy ! *Hanim SHY ??? WTF ???
We then went to a stall and eat our supper . I know he's jealous when I was ignoring him and just laughing and joking with Hurin  and Durrani . But then we start to talk and laugh . OMG , i love you dear !

(6th Nov) We went to hang out at ***** . We talked about everything ! At first , we having fun at a karaoke place . And then we had our lunch together and that is the first time I've been going out with only a GUY . We spent our time on a bench next to the escalator , eating sweet pink cotton candy which make me SICK ! I forced him to finished it because my mouth is already done with it's sweetness ! Then , he begged me to throw it away . *pity him
:'(
After we reached home , we made our ways to the first place that we met but this time on top of it . We took pictures here because we were too shy to take pictures at the mall . He laid on my thigh and I think it's kinda romantic of me to cherish him hair . I've never done that to any guy before so it made me nervous . All that my heart says is I Love You Kamaruddin Bin Md Shah ..
<3<3<3<3<3<3

Well......

At first , I told myself that A is my true love ..... But then I discovered he wasn't.... He told me to forget him and he just thinks about himself ! Doesn't he think about my feelings ?? Oh god , this is harder than I thought ... But tomorrow (5 November 2010) , my ex who is now my real lover is coming to Kuala Lumpur to meet me !! He come all the way from Muar,Johor just to make me happy because it has been 2 years since we met... Maybe you guys will thought I desperate but that's how I will do to make my sad memories flown away ! With no heart feelings , I love you guys both ...

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3